More Ways to Make Deeper, More Sincere Friendships

Be Honest Sometimes we are afraid of hurting our friends' feelings. We don't tell them our honest feelings. We feel that we are protecting them. Think about it. Do you want your friends hiding their true feelings from you even if it may hurt? I have asked dozens of people this question. They all want their friends to share their true feelings, especially when it is about something that will help them improve or become a better person. Let your friends know your honest viewpoint. True friends can take it. You are friends! If you feel that it may be offensive or hurt their feelings in some way, create an environment of safety that will minimize any possible offense. Find a way to share it with them kindly and tactfully, especially if you know it will be for their betterment. Be Loyal Friends are loyal to each other. They protect each other's reputation. In the absence of each other they speak well of each other. If they hear something bad about their friend, they don't immediately believe it. They search out the facts and hear both sides of the story. When a friend makes a bad decision, the other friend helps them to correct it. They seek the best for their friend. They continue to help their friend become the best they can be. The best friends stick with each other when everybody else is jumping ship. When your friends are being attacked, when they have made mistakes, when the chips are down for them, that is the time to step up and let them know that you will always be their friend and you will always be there for them. In the Hagakure, the classical Japanese book on the Samurai's warrior code, the author makes an interesting comment. He says, "You never know your true friends until you become ill. When you are ill, your true friends draw closer. Your false friends pull away." Be There! Friends need friends. Friends need support. They especially need support in times of hardship and trial! Those trials can be a death in the family, the loss of a friend, a divorce, rejection, or a myriad of of other circumstances. Be there when they need you. Don't ask; just be there! There is nothing like a friend who will listen without judgment or who will take off your shoulders the weight of so many tasks that need to be done in times of trial! Share Share with your friends as if they are family. Invite them into your Home. Share birthdays. Give gifts at holidays. Don't keep track of who owes whom for the last meal. Don't keep score. Enjoy the quality of friendship that moves to the level of being family. Allow them to share in, participate in, and enjoy all the good gifts that life has brought your way. Motives Look at your motives regarding your friendship. Are you doing it to make some advantage for yourself such as making money or using your friend to get to know another person? Do you have selfish motives about gaining something from the friendship without being willing to give of yourself? Lopsided friendships like this never make it to the next level. In fact the transactional nature of the friendship usually makes it short-lived. Real friendships are transformational more than transactional. Being in relationship touches our heart and changes us at the depth of our being. It is not a mere horse trade. True friends care, serve, listen, understand, sacrifice, and share. These are the worthy motives of friendship.